Keeping up with the Ingwavumites

From arrival until now there has never been a dull moment in the Voomles thanks to its colourful people. From biting gogo’s, seductive service men to honesty hour HR managers – We’ve got them all! So its about time you meet the Ingwavoomites - for the love of ethics, human rights and the public protection of information act names have been adapted (but if you ask nicely I may just tell you).

Ketiwe:

The legendary Ketiwe

In my first week in the Voomles I was blessed with a guardian angel Ketiwe, she was on her way out of community service and on her way into a new adventure. She was my running buddy for a week giving me that “encouragement” tap every now and then to keep going up the hill.  

General running experience at 17:30 in The Voomsies versus CT

So-fizzle:

So-fizzle is the worlds’ cutest and most AMAZING domestic worker. We affectionately refer to her as ama-So-fizzle because her work force is equivalent to an army (in Zulu "ama" is plural....just so btw). Every Thursday I have the privilege of coming home to find two little piles of washing all ironed and folded, right on top is my underwear folded and ironed neatly into little blocks. 

So-fizzle doing her thing

The Sunbeams:

These are the young lovelies I spend most of my time with. They bring sunshine, buckets of laughs, chocolates and other such like for example spectacular treats. 

From left to right: Baby Spice, my housemate The Chrin, Dr Yang, Ton-Dawg & Dusk (my other house mate)

The Gems:

The Gems are the people I may not encounter on a day to day basis-they do, however provide me with quotable quotes, memorable moments, blunders, laughs and gasps. 

Quotable quotes:

• The HR dude who looked at me intently upon first meeting and after hearing my voice said “oh, your voice! The hormones of your father are strong”. 
• HR dude (again) stops me in the middle of the garden path and says “Sister, we have to fill out employee statistics and we were not sure where you fit in.” I look at him with a blank stare, knowing what he is asking, he continues. “Like me, I am…bl…I am…african, I am black. Now you, what are you? We weren’t sure if you were with us or the Indians” Uhm, yes, now I can add black/Indian to the list of possible races I could pass for. 

Laughs and Gasps:

• A favourite pass time of men in the Voomles is to shout “I love you baby” to anything remotely female who is walking on two legs. My fellow Ingwavumites go shopping and compare how many proposals and declarations of love we receive in one trip. Recently I had to reluctantly refuse the opportunity to become the second wife of the Telkom man..,sorry guy, I’m holding out for the DSTV man ;)
• The other day I went to my patient, introduced myself and greeted her in perfect zulu-she responds by telling me "I am dead already, leave me alone! I know why you are here-you want to sacrifice me in a ritual". After explaining what physio's do, I tried to uncover her leg-she responded with "hey wena! voetsek! voetsek!" and promptly hit my hand THRICE-the price we pay for helping people.
• African time...'nuff said! I came 10 minutes late to a meeting to find that I was the first one there-Only in Africa 

An Ode to Rocket

I spent the past weekend in Pietermartizburg with some friends from Cape Town who came to KZN for the Midmar Mile. I didn’t quite make it to the Midmar dam to watch the Mile as intended; however made it to the shops to buy some food supplies, namely some fresh fruit and veggies that we don’t get at out Voomles Spar Trader. When living in the rurals you learn the true meaning of the phrase “it’s the small things that count” for example…rocket (as in rocket the leafy green herb). This commodity has brought such joy to my life and my belly for the past week I have written a poem about it. It’s called “An Ode to Rocket”

An ode to rocket

I love rocket, yes I do

I love rocket, how about you?

Rocket-it’s so nice you must say it thrice

Rocket rocket rocket.

It rhymes with socket;

A life without rocket

Is like a femur without a hip socket

…lame…

Rocket, you make me glad

Rocket, without you my heart is sad.

If I could I would send some to the moon

To spread rocket happiness like a viral balloon

Rocket you are so spicy and green

When I smell you I turn into a rocket eating machine

I love rocket more than before

Rocket rocket rocket I’m always keen for more.

I love Rocket. viva la Rocket

Shower Hour in the Voomles

Since living in Park home 118 I have noted 3 types of showers

1) Normal Shower: 

This kind of shower entails turning the tap on. This turning action produces sprays of water of an acceptable pressure, temperature and most importantly volume. Normal Showers tend to leave one feeling clean and satisfied

2) Run-around Shower: 

Run-around Showers can be best described as opening the tap to its widest-to which the pipes respond by producing a PATHETIC trickle of water. It has been dubbed the Run-around Shower as one often finds ones self running around the shower trying to get wet; these showers require much precision, focus and strategy.

Run-around Shower: Note the tongue is out indicating intense concentration

3) Waterless Shower:
Waterless Showers are characterised by nothing but air flowing out of the tap in response to opening it-in other words there is NO water-not even one drop to chase. These showers maybe eco friendly, however they are not people friendly as Waterless showers may result in general bad vibes and personality changes.

For the past 6 days we have had the Type 3 shower, namely the Waterless kind, do you know what this does to your mood and head?! You go for a run, sweat like a beast, come home, do the civilised thing and head for the shower and find NO WATER! Chilled vibes, no water I will come back later….6 HOURS later STILL no water. To be honest, it hasn’t been 6 days straight without water, there have been times when we have, but its random-like 2am or when we are not at home. I have triumphed over this adversity and have devised the Mason Mosvold Shower Model^©  it is based on the Kubler-Ross model 5 Stages of Grief (Wikipedia. Internet. 3G. 2011…see footnote for full Harvard reference -naaaat!)

Mason Mosvold Shower Model^©  

Stage 1 – Agitation:

Predicted response: No water! No worries it’s just one night I’ll shower in the morning.

Fig. 1.1. Agitation

Stage 2 – Bleak vibes:

Predicted response: Still no water-that makes me sad, I was looking forward this shower all day. Maybe we will have water tomorrow

Fig. 1.2. Bleak vibes

Stage 3 – Emotional melt down:

Probable observation: Crying without control in foetal position on the shower floor, dreaming about showers or participation in the rain dance.

Fig. 1.3. Emotional melt down

Stage 4 – Gaining from the Pain

Probable Observations: Uncontrollable crying; however hysterical energy is harnessed by crying into buckets

Fig. 1.4. Gaining from the pain

Stage 5 – Adaptation

Probable Observation: Tears harvested from stage 4 are boiled and used for bucket bathing

Fig. 1.5. Adaptation-the Baty Bath