Ingwavuma's Finest

Whilst driving in and around the bush I've come across a few interesting sights and sounds; some of which I've had the pleasure of capturing, whilst others can only be done justice through re-enactment/experience as their awesome-ness can not be contained in the confines of a photograph. With a camera at hand and a sense of humour on stand-by the world has become my amusement park. Much of the entertainment comes from signage and various structures in and around the area, other sources of amusement stem from the locals. Without further adieu I present "Ingwavuma's Finest". 


The Architecture

Food that goes so fast, the sales person is always packed up before 9am-everyday!

Feel it, it is still here

For months I was convinced Ingwavuma had a sprinkling of houses sponsored by Tropika-the magic was lost when I found out that all of the "sponsored" houses were tuck shops :(

The Bizarre 

Car guards rule parking lots in Cape Town, where as the parking lot in Ingwavuma is ruled by goats.

Lawn mower...toilet...lawn mower...toilet. I still don't see the connection

You are what you eat 

This sign kills me! You'll find it on the only tarred road going out of Ingwavuma towards Jozini-Ingwavuma's nearest beach is about 130km away  

Signs

Whilst waiting on your diagnostic imaging you could either: A) Get diagnostic images for general small parts or B) You could pick up a few "small parts"- I don't know, you tell me! 

Your one stop convenience centre-why not get an ultrasound while you load your airtime and photocopy your newly laminated ID book

"Thath'ama-Lessons Thath'ams-Licence" I'm just saying!

Jozini "Come Again Cash and Carry"

Yet another one stop cafe/tavern/salon/car wash 

The "sloths" and "suzcases" should tell you that this IS a China Town stall in Bhambanana

"Life Chickens" that can only be purchased in  Manguzi

The Logik

Energy and petrol efficient-safety deficient. Thankfully they only reversed for 100 meters at the speed of darkness

The "Triage" section at Mosvold in a back passage outside Isolation ward. Thankfully I've never seen any patients waiting there. (Triage is a process of sorting patients in order of urgency/need for medical assistance. Isolation ward: The place where highly contagious patients are admitted)

This is a picture of our a storeroom where I wheel chairs were kept. Some genius packed boxes of aprons at the entrance literally from wall to wall, ceiling to floor.

The Locals

Look mom, no hands! (photo taken by a friend)

Road workers,.,still not hands (photo taken by a friend)

In my Professional Opinion of Life in General

After 5 months of rural living, 5 months of paying taxes, 15 days of seclusion and introspection and a gob-smacking 9 hours of life experience I have compiled a list of observations/opinions/conclusions. They come in the form of bullets, as everything is better in point form.


You know you've been in the Ingwavuma for too long when....

• running water and smooth tarred roads elicit as much excitement as a 75% off sale
• sunset becomes an event 
• snakes, goats, chickens and cows are "normal" road kill
• your gut greeting upon meeting new people in a Western setting is "sanibona" as opposed to hello
• you change your running routine slightly and you get 5 comments from different sources all saying "ow, sisi, I see you are not running any more"
• machettes are used as "lawn mowers". For this reason you are not overwhelmed with fear when a man carrying a machette passes you in the street
• when passing bushes you are more concerned about goats darting across the road than sneaky traffic cops with speed cameras
• in a Western setting you find yourself giving and receiving with your left hand placed under your right and doing a small courtesy (in Zulu culture you give and receive with your right hand as a sign of respect) 
• you're defining criteria for "good accommodation" is running water that can be drunken straight from the tap
• the presence of chicken fillet in spar is stirs so much joy and excitement to the point where it may result in a tweet, BBM or FB update
• a destination that is 1.5 hours away is classified as "around the corner"
• a tap without water, a petrol station without petrol and a post office without stamps no longer shocks you

You will never_________________________________ until you come to Ingwavuma

• know natural beauty 
• realise that you never have "nothing" 
• understand that water is vital and that electricity is convenient
• know how few people speak English
• value fluid conversation in your mother tongue 
• know how much you value your family and friends
• witness true dignity in the face of adversity 
• understand the importance of community 

It was funny but Eish!

Today I found myself on a road so bumpy it would put a VibroMat¹ to shame. I navigated the rough terrain to Gwaliweni Clinic with a prehistoric Toyota Land Cruiser (affectionately referred to as T-Rex) of which I am convinced was donated to Mosvold by David Livingstone himself.

Prior to any clinic visit you are required to do a pre-trip inspection to ensure that the vehicle is “road worthy”. I usually check the oil, water, tyre tread, spare wheel, jack, spanner, lights and fuel level. According to my adapted K53 pre-trip inspection I felt that the T-Rex Toyota was “road worthy”; however I failed to check the speedometer and odometer until I was halfway to clinic. To my dismay I found that although I was in 3^rd gear the speedometer still read 0 and though I had been driving for at least 20 minutes the odometer reading was the same as when I left the hospital. So there I sat, trying to activate non-existent neural paths to try and “sense” the speed at which I was driving. At the same time I noticed that the petrol gauge seems slightly bipolar fluctuating between full and half full. Seeing as we made it back home in one piece, it's safe to say that the proverbial petrol glass was half full and not half empty.

¹ VibroMat is a piece of equipment used-it vibrates at a super high frequency and is often used in chest physio

My chariot...T-Rex Toyota (left) and the Gwaliweni Gangster aka Donkey Kong in a stare-off...no really, the donkey wouldn't move

Navigating the rugged terrain-I lift my eyes up unto the mountain where my help come from?

Tracey Goes to Clinic

Treatment of in-patients, out-patients as well as clinic visits form part of the job description of a physio at Mosvold Hospital. In-patients and out-patients are treated on hospital property; clinic visits on the other hand take place at various outlying clinics. These clinics are run by Nursing Sisters, members of the health care team from Mosvold (eg. Dieticians, Doctors, Social Workers, Opticians etc) visit these clinics once a month to see patients for follow up or assessment.

Your average clinic day starts with the health care worker (in my case the therapist) phoning transport department and praying for a car. Once a car has been granted, the itinerary has been completed and you have piled all the necessary paraphernalia as well as other members of the health care team into the vehicle your journey to the clinic as well as your day at clinic commences (note the journey and the day are 2 separate parts).

The Journey

Depending on the clinic location you may end up travelling for as long as 1.5 hours on tar or gravel road dodging potholes, cattle, school children and few other mentally challenged road users. Due to the varying terrain you may find yourself transforming an Average-Joe Mazda Sting into a 4x4. In scenarios when there is limited transport and you have been assigned a driver from the Hospital you may find yourself forming part of the drivers dream to part take in Ingwavuma’s version of the Dakar Rally…a most terrifying experience indeed!

Meet the Mr Bean Mazda Sting. Don't be fooled by its atrocious colour, this car is a Transformer

One of the double cabs that we get to take to clinic

The common KZN Cattle Congress that has to be dodged on the road 

The Clinic Visit

Once you have reached your destination the real work starts. As therapists you are required to run an exercise group for arthritis patients. The size of the group ranges from 2 patients to 30 patients. The number of people in the group is dependant on the size and location of the clinic, the number of people in the area with arthritis and most importantly patient compliance. These groups are a source of entertainment for my patients and a humbling experience for me as the translators do not attend clinic. For this reason I am required to run the group using a list of phrases that I have written down and may not have always practised pronouncing. This is amusing as I have been learning Zulu as long as I have been in Ingwavuma (ie 5 months) thus my Zulu is far from good. The exercise group is structured-you come in, you greet, give your disclaimer (I’m from Cape Town, I’m English so excuse my Zulu BUT I am trying), you do your exercises using your phrases, you sign the patients card and give the “Buya”date (Buya: pronounced “boo-ya” is Zulu for return). The end of the exercise group marks the beginning of the "real" party J

As you sign the patients’ cards, they either:

A) Say thank you and walk home 
or

B) Go off at you in Zulu

Patients going off at you in Zulu either:

Bi) Complain about pain (pain which is chronic-duh, you have arthritis)

Bii) Ask for Tubigrip (Tubigrip is a compression bandage effective for certain painful conditions and swelling-not all arthritis patients need tubigrip, but 90% of arthritis patients at clinic are CONVINCED it’s the cure to life in general)

Biii) Tell you something which is not remotely related to arthritis as they do not have arthritis, therefore they have been referred to physio for an individual session NOT the group session.

My response to patients going off at me in Zulu:

Bi) If the pain is due to the arthritis I tell them in broken Zulu: the definition of arthritis as well as the management, prognosis and treatment thereof

Bii) Give them tubigrip as I have given up on convincing them otherwise. Due to the large quantities of tubigrip issued, I have dubbed myself “The Tubigrip Fairy”

Biii) Ask them to wait inside for me to see them one-on-one. These one-on-one sessions are often the most challenging as my Zulu is limited, the patients English is non-existent and the people who are willing to translate (bless their hearts as they are angels) are not always accurate. 

The individual sessions usually take the longest as I have to see some of the patients from the group as well as other individuals for follow up. Once again patient volumes vary from 2 individuals to 12. After all the individuals have been treated and the other members of the health care team are finished with their patients you can FINALLY go home. Unless of course, you have to do a home visit with the Social Worker which is what happened at my latest clinic visit.

Search and Retrieve

After the worlds longest afternoon of individual patients where I had to use a psych patient to convince 1000000000 arthritis patients (ie 3 out of 5) that they don’t need to come to Mosvold for an x-ray because we know how their arthritic bones look; I embarked on my first home visit with the Social Worker.

This home visit was different from any other as people living in Ingwavuma don’t have a “fixed” address consisting of a house number, street name and suburb. Instead they give their address in relation to something (eg. A school) so instead of saying I live in 54 Humus Street Newlands, they’ll say they live at Nansindlela School in the Ingwavuma area. I was always curious regarding the method used to locate both the person and their house when there are no street names or house numbers - all was revealed when we went on our search for our grade 6 client using The Voomsies style "Search and Retrieve".

This method of Search and Retrieve consists of me driving the hospital double cab around the Nkungwini area while the social worker stops random people on the street asking the where abouts of the child. After asking number of people we were pointed in the direction of a school play ground as school had just been dismissed and the client we were looking for was on her way home. We had to sift through a sea of little faces to find the girl. After much hooting, tip-offs from scholars and foghorning her name out the window we managed to located the client. 

Phase 1: Search = foghorn + hoot + point

Finding her was the easy part, the challenge was getting her into the car as this little lady applied the golden rule of life-Don't talk to/get lifts from strangers. In doing so she broke into a flat sprint to get away from our double cab-the glory of her impressive sprint was short lived by the barricade of classmates who blocked her. Once the girl saw the Social Worker she remembered her face and agreed to get into the car. 

When peace and calm had been restored I found myself taking the client home for the home visit. The road to her house was a narrow one, it could hardly be classified as a road.  It was more of a foot path flanked by bushes, huts and long grass. Nevertheless we transformed it into a road-or at least, we drove in faith because I sure as hang did not know what was lying beneath!

What the road was intended for-people walking.

What we transformed it into. As in all "tense" situations, my eye is twitching.

What our transformation can be compared to-Squeezing an elephant through an alleyway.

The Rurals for Reals

Welcome to Mosvold  

This is Mosvold Hospital-my place of work, my place of residence and the source inspiration and insanity 

Main Road Ingwavuma- 2 running routes to choose from: either left or right of the speed bump

Ingwavuma main road-where the streets should be for pedestrians and the pavement is unofficially for driving 

My Housie

This is my humble abode

This is my veranda :) I also have aircon

Ingwavuma CBD

Let's have fun at the mall-Pep, Spar Trader, Elerines, Ithala bank, Dunns and 2 Chinese stalls

Spars' competition 

Meaty treats available in Spar

More meaty treats-yes, those are chicken feet

Vintage market rural style-I scored a sick trench coat for R50!

Our panel beaters 

We even have a car wash

Fancy Stitch-the ultimate (and only) tea garden! The chocolate milkshake is totes divi's yo!

Entertainment 

The airstrip-aka "The Spot" the ultimate venue for sunsets

Sunset

My Church

The road to Zonke Zizwe church

My church...well part of it :) and the epic view

From Zero to Hero and back again

In the space of 1 month I’ve had the privilege of visiting Cape Town twice J  I surprised my splendid sister for her birthday on my first visit and my second visit was over the Easter weekend. Both visits to the fair Cape have been fantastical, the journey home on the other hand has been interesting to say the least.

Getting back to Cape Town or any other form of civilisation is no joke. It’s a 2 hour flight preceded by a 4.5 hour drive along the N2 with no lights, many trucks and sprinkle of my favourite Gauteng and Mpumalanga drivers (hope you can feel the sarcasm radiating through your screen). However, there are a few aspects you can look forward…let’s re-phrase that, there’s one aspect...being able to play Need for Speed for reals! You can drive at 120km for 4.5 hours and not worry about getting a fine. In addition to this you get the perfect opportunity to test just how mad your driving skills are whilst enjoying the view of God’s awesome creation.

These trips to civilisation may be a burden or a breeze. It’s a breeze when you like your car, it's light on petrol, you have an epic playlist and you have a GPS to get you around town. It’s a burden when none of the above happens. My last trip to Cape Town was by far the most memorable, as I got 2 for the price of one…it was what I like to call a “breezy burden”. 


The Breezy Burden:
It was my first solo mission to Cape Town for 2 Oceans so I woke up super early to get a head start before the Easter weekend traffic madness began. It was all good - I had Adele, Bassment Jaxx and Kings of Leon keeping me company, the sun was out and Janet (my GPS) was leading the way. I had completed ¾ of my journey before tea time and there was even time for me to head to the shops. Lets just say I was feeling like a champion.

Me feeling like a hero after 3/4 of my journey...well done, you beat a cow and a rock

This heroic feeling was short lived, as I hit Durban city my dearest Janet (the GPS) cut out. Every time I tried to plot my route I got a message saying  “lost signal”, Janet failed in the area I needed her the most. This would be fine if Janet was joking and I actually knew Durban , however this was not the case. I feverishly tried to resuscitate her, but nothing worked. I tired following the signage, but I kept taking the wrong turn. Since I couldn't get to a shopping mall or garage to ask for directions I ended up driving around Durban like a forlorn frazzled fart for a total of 2 hours. It took the kindness of a cuddly oom at the Sasol station to get me out of this pickle. He was gracious enough to escort me from the hustle and bustle of Durban CBD to Pavillion shopping mall. 

The road from Zero to Hero is but 2 words away...Signal Lost

The Hero face versus the Zero face...see, my eye's twitching

After 5 hours of driving, 2 hours of freak out and 2 hours of attempted retail therapy I boarded a plane where I had the “privilege” of being wedged between 2 gentlemen. One was drunk pensioner, the other a charming young man. The pensioner insisted on lecturing me regarding my dreams and aspirations as well as giving advice regarding the upcoming race; the charming young man delighted in watching me squirm and dodge the Pensioner as he invaded my personal space and sprayed saliva on me with every word.

My flight at a glance: Charming young man laughing on the left, drunk pensioner on the right and me looking as awkward as a turtle in the middle.

Though the journey to get home was a boarder line trauma case, it was by no means a predictor for my stay in the city. I successfully managed to complete 2 Oceans by running the first 10km and swimming the last 11km (thanks to the rain). In addition to this, I finally bought a camera and I have been trigger happy ever since-"real pictures" will follow shortly!

Whilst at home I have found that living in the sticks has made me appreciate the finer things in life. I find myself marvelling at robots, funneling and downing tap water, gazing at shower head as the water gushes out at the right pressure for a Type 1 shower all day everyday. I have also noted a strong urge to embrace anyone and everyone who speaks English and Afrikaans, it's like we have a bond that they are not aware of. If you catch me at the right moment you may find me laughing and smiling at nothing and no one in particular and if you are very lucky you might witness/hear me sing the “Wena” song. The Wena song was written and composed by me in a moment of sheer joy and is performed when words do not suffice. 

City things that make me do the Wena dance-namely robots, bright lights, tap water, cars and people.